Learn 5 ways to INSTANTLY increase your sex appeal and stage presence.
“Super-Sexy” is not solely for the “Super-Fit”. You don’t have to “Work-Out” in order to “Work It”. There’s all these articles these days about embracing ‘sexy’, how ‘sexy’ can improve your self-esteem, your love life and in fact, life in general. Most recently Adryenne Ashley of Thrive Global wrote:
“Remember Teri Hatcher doing those impossible splits right on the studio floor on ‘Oprah’? Or Carmen Electra positively gushing about what exotic dance has done for her body and bedroom tactics? A large number of celebrities have recently taken to a sexy alternative to working out”
See full article here
That’s great! and also totally true, but what if you CAN’T do the splits like Teri Hatcher? What if you don’t have the body of Carmen Electra? And what if you don’t have the upper body strength to open a jar of peanut butter, let alone climb onto a pole?
If you’re out there screaming .. “well it’s OK for those girls to embrace their ‘sexy’ – they’re all flexible, toned, skinny bitches!”, don’t worry – “getting your sexy on”, is available to you too!
“SEXY” IS FOR ANY BODY…
The good news is that we ALL have a ‘sexy’ to embrace, and it’s not about pole dancing your way to that perfect bod, or getting flexible enough to achieve some twisted-pretzel sex position.
It’s NOT an ‘outside-in’ approach:
“I get the perfect body, I therefore feel sexy”.
Work from the ‘inside-out’! It’s about getting down to how YOU FEEL about how you look. Rather than getting hung up about ‘embracing the sexy’, start EMBRACING THE POSITIVE, and ACCEPTING THE (supposed) NEGATIVE, this leads to self-confidence because CONFIDENCE IS YOUR ‘SEXY’!!
How can anyone ‘embrace their sexy’, when what they think and feel is screaming the opposite? “Im too old, too tall, too short, too boney, too fat, too WHATEVER!!!
All this bullshit we tell ourselves (or have allowed others to convince us) about all these things that are ‘wrong’ with us. ALL THIS JUDGEMENT! Of course we shy aware from being naked and vulnerable, since these days it seems none of us can get it right… “Oh god that women is wearing a bikini she looks anorexic” vs “oh god that woman is wearing a bikini – she’s spilling out of it”.
You don’t have to be the illusive ‘perfect’ to be sexy, you don’t have to be in lingerie, or be naked to be sexy. You don’t even have to be explicitly SEXUAL to be sexy. What you DO need to embrace is…
CONFIDENCE IN YOURSELF
ENJOYMENT OF YOURSELF
ALLOWING OTHERS TO JOIN YOU!
5 Ways to Increase Your Sexy on stage and in everyday life…
Burlesque performers come in all shapes and sizes and are some of the sexiest people I’ve had the privilege to encounter. Burlesque technique lies less in the technical aspects of dance and lies very much in the ‘charisma’ of the performer on stage. The quality of their movement, the manipulation of the audience’s attention, the exposure of a persona and their sense of play.
You can bring all these qualities into your daily life, not just in the bedroom, not just on the stage. To quote Shakespeare, ‘All the world’s a stage’. So start bringing these secrets of the stage into your world and your life today.
1) OWN YOUR STAGE:
This is an exercise I use with all my burlesque students early on. Walk around the room as if you own the space. Take up your space! Remember, we’re trying to get to HOW YOU FEEL about yourself, not changing what you look like, we’re working from the inside out!
Imagine this place is yours – everyone and everything around you is only there to please you. Walk down the street imagining yourself as the center of the universe. When you do this, you will be! Remember, you ARE the center of everything. You only have your point of view, so everything you see is an invention of your perspective. So, to feel more confident: walk through the grocery store as if you own it. Cross the street like everyone is there to see YOU. Pretend you own the place, and soon you will do.
2) ENJOYING YOUR MOVEMENT:
As you move through this brave new world of yours, start to ENJOY your movement. You don’t have to be dancing! Enjoy walking down the stairs, opening the door, really connect and be present with which parts of your body are moving at any given time and how it FEELS to do so.
Just as when you see someone really enjoying eating a delicious meal, we immediately want to get in on it, similarly, when we see someone enjoying their movement, enjoying just being themselves, we want to get in on that too! To take this analogy further – it’s the equivalent of eating for fuel and function vs eating and tasting every mouthful and savouring the pleasure it brings.
I talk about the importance of self love in many forms but this is the most instantly applicable. Following on from your ‘enjoyment of movement’ is what I call in class ‘adding some self-love’. Making physical contact with yourself – NO I don’t mean in a sexual way, I mean just making physical contact with yourself in a day-to-day situation, brushing the hair from your face, grazing your fingers along your neck, again, this idea of CONNECTING WITH YOURSELF, the curves, the texture. Find as many opportunities to make physical contact with yourself as you go through your day. As an audience the more we see you touching and enjoying the feeling of yourself, the more we want to get in on it!
4) ROTATE YOUR USE OF EYE CONTACT:
This is a great one for drawing in an audience and keeping their attention. Remember I’m referring to ‘audience’ as ‘everyone you meet’ – grocery store, job interview, dance floor!
First you want to MAKE DIRECT EYE contact. This immediately shows confidence and, as we all know now.. CONFIDENCE BRINGS SEXY. If this is something you shy away from, it comes with practice – the more you do it, the more confident you will become. BUT…. you want to AVOID constant direct eye contact! This becomes intimidating and challenging and will shut down an audience member and make them feel uncomfortable.
Once you grab their attention with direct eye contact, direct THEIR gaze by looking at the part of yourself you want to bring their attention to. Swap between these, confidently grabbing their attention and directing their attention.
Finally, add in NO EYE CONTACT. Remember that element of “ALLOWING OTHERS TO JOIN YOU”? Allow your audience that brief moment of being able to take you in without their being challenged or judged. For a brief moment they are being voyeurs of your magnificence and you have the confidence to allow them to do so. Allow them that moment….. then BOOM, direct eye contact again… smile – “I know you were watching, I see you, and I’m ok with it… I’m glad that you were”.
5) TRY ON A NEW PERSONA:
It’s really easy to fall into the pattern of wearing the same types of outfit, your day-to-day lifestyle really dictates what you wear; restrictive business suit, comfortable shoes, old shirts your baby is allowed to throw up on!
Give yourself permission to step out of that routine. Coming from an actor’s point of view, clothing has a lot to do with how a character feels. I can try on one outfit and feel awesome, then change my clothes and I’m suddenly frumpy. If you feel self-conscious about your body, maybe it’s just the clothing your body is in!
I challenge you to try EVERYTHING.
Go to goodwill for a couple of hours and play dress-up! Play!! Don’t second guess. Just for shits and giggles – try something you would normally be too afraid to wear or always assumed just wouldn’t suit you. People do this on Halloween, why save it for just one day a year? Wear that vibrant colored dress, wear those leather pants, wear that pair of impractical shoes. Then walk around like you own the place! Rinse and Repeat.
For anyone craving more tips on self-confidence and embracing your sexy check out an intro to burlesque class with me in Los Angeles or for anyone out of town sign up for a free consultation with me online. I guarantee you this is more than just a dance class which leaves you feeling inadequate, this is YOUR time to celebrate YOU.
Hope you’re having a fantastic week and I look forward to working with you soon.